Kemarin.. Hari pertama Ramadhan.. akhirnya doa saya terjawab. Per Satu September saya akan pindah divisi.

It is my next move. Semoga lancar. Amin. Semoga menyenangkan. Amin. Semoga saya dapat lebih sabar. Amin.

upset.. dengan kerjaan yang membuat pengorbanan berangkat subuh pulang malam berasa gak sebanding..

upset.. dengan “dia” yang sudah menemani selama 2.3 tahun tapi gak pernah bisa mengerti saya..

upset.. kenapa sih saya mengeluh terus? apa yang salah? kenapa ga bisa ikhlas menjalani hari-hari?

kenapa ya?

Well, you don’t know what you’ve got until you’ve lost it. Yap, I miss my old Job.. pekerjaan yang di perusahaan yang kedua tentunya. Kalau yang pertama sih, tiada penyesalan meninggalkannya. Yayaya,.. current job is my third Job after I graduated from college. Every New Year, I’ve started it with a new job. Tapi, saya benar-benar berharap, saya bisa tetap bertahan di perusahaan sekarang sampai setidaknya 2 tahun lah, bahkan kalau bisa sampai saya pensiun nanti. Kenapa?? Ternyata “pindah-pindah kerja” itu melelahkan.

New environment. Well, saya bukan orang yang mudah bergaul dengan orang lain. Bisa dibilang saya tipe yang tertutup dan individualistis. Tapi Jika ingin bekerja dalam jangka waktu lama disini, tentunya saya harus bisa masuk ke lingkungannya. Sudah 24 hari semenjak hari pertama saya di sini, namun saya masih belum  nyaman, bahkan feel depressed. Kolega baru saya tidak jahat dan nyebelin sih, bahkan banyak yang seumuran. Tapi itu dia.. They are already a family, and it’s kinda hard for me to enter their family. Well, I am a newbie here. Di perusahaan lama, saya bisa seenaknya. D sini, saya harus melihat kondisi lapangan dulu. What is appropriate and what is not.  Makanya, semoga saya tidak harus pindah-pindah lagi. Adaptation is not an easy thing.

Tiga bulang yang lalu, saya sering mengeluh dengan mengenai betapa banyaknya dan membosankannya pekerjaan saya. Bulan ini, saya benar-benar bingung karena saya belum tahu apa yang saya harus kerjakan disini. Datang pagi, lalu mencari-cari apa yang bisa dibaca-baca yang berkaitan dengan pekerjaan. Kalau udah bosan, dan mati gaya, internetan. Sambil deg-degan kapan akan dipanggil bos untuk mengerjakan real job. Tidak bisa pulang cepat juga, karena amazingly bos saya datang pagi dan pulang malam. Teman-teman saya bilang, enjoy your honeymoon. Tapi kayanya, ini udah kelamaan deh. Saya udah coba meminta Bos untuk berdiskusi tentang kerjaan saya beberapa hari yang lalu. Tanggapannya waktu itu positif, tomorrow we’ll discuss about this. Tapi ternyata Bos saya ini super sibuk. Saya merasa tidak bisa interupsi dia untuk diskusi.  Well I hate this part of my behavior. Saya memang pemalu dan sungkan. Yah.. saya berharap..  semoga jumat ini.. sebelum awal tahun tiba.. saya bisa ajak Bos untuk diskusi mengenai apa sebenarnya pekerjaan saya. Because, I really don’t know what I should do here, and I really want to face New Year with a hope that my decision to move to this new job is not the wrong choice.

Doakan ya!

I don’t really need Doraemon.. but I do really need “Pintu Kemana Saja”.. supaya tidak kena macet setiap hari di jakarta dan bisa pergi kemana pun.. kapan pun.. tanpa harus mahal-mahal ongkos transport

and, I really really need ”Lorong Waktu”.. I really wanna go back to those sweet memories and certainly, skip bad memories..

I just called one of my bestfriends in Batam, and suddenly all I wanna do is flying there and meet my all my friends there to say “Hello..”

like this one  from the Island where Laskar Pelangi founded..

eh.. lama-lama jadi enak buat di dengerin.. hahaa..

ps: Bim,, yang ini bukan curhatan kok… gak ya??? hehehe

sayang aku tahu
kita tak banyak bicara
kau jauh disana
ku menyimpan tanya

sayang aku tahu
kita tak banyak bertemu
namun hanya kamu
yang ada di hati

reff:
jangan sampai kau lukai hatiku
aku resah lalui waktu tanpamu
jangan sampai kau ragukan cintaku
aku takkan membuatmu terluka
meragu… percayalah…

sayang aku mau kita
‘kan slalu menyatu
walau kadang rindu
menyiksa batinku

sayang aku mau
jangan pernah kau meragu
walau aku jauh
hatiku untukmu

jangan sampai kau ragukan cintaku
aku takkan membuatmu terluka
meragu… percayalah…

repeat reff [4x]

Stayed at home like a good girl do
But tonight baby you got me sad and blue
I just heard about the girl in your car now, kissing at the bar
Got me crying

[Chorus:]
Oh, you got me hatin’ on the club
‘Cause you took my love
Oh you took my love
Now you got me like whoahhh
You got me hatin’ on the club
‘Cause you took my love
Why’d you have to take my love
Whoahh

And you can be mad at me all you want
I ain’t coming in, I’ll be waiting out front
Coming out the door with your girlfriend
You did me wrong boy tell me where our love is

Stayed at home like a good girl do
But tonight baby you got me sad and blue
I just heard about the girl in your car now, kissing at the bar
Got me crying

[Chorus:]
Oh, you got me hatin’ on the club
‘Cause you took my love
Oh you took my love
Now you got me like whoahhh
You got me hatin’ on the club
‘Cause you took my love
Why’d you have to take my love
Whoahh

Now this is the sound of a broken heart
There’s only one reason why we’re apart
She never woulda made it to your car
If it wasn’t for the club, I’d still have my love
We would still have us
I’d still have my love
We would still have us

But now we’re like whoah

Oh, you got me hatin’ on the club
‘Cause you took my love
Oh you took my love

But now, now we’re like whoah
You got me hatin’ on the club
You took my love
Oh you took my love

I am trying to search real light..

But I found only moon that reflect sun’s light..

I know I don’t want this.. I don’t want that…

But I also don’t know what I really want..

Everybody said how lucky am I.. just recently graduate and got a good job..

But.. am I really lucky??  Why everyday is a hard day??

Why I am just thinking to get out from my job??

Why I am counting the days until I fulfill my contract??

Why I feel empty and  stress??

Someone said to me love your work but don’t love your company (*I agree)

But I just can say.. I don’t love my work..

Pathetic??? maybe yes.. maybe not..

Maybe this is the way God give to me to learn about life.. to get me out from my save place..

The first thing I should do is stop complaining.. I must try to accept what God give to me right now..

a little bit long.. but maybe if you read it.. you’ll like it..

simple story about complicated relationship in women and men friendship.

Happy Reading ^^

Inspirational story for my close friend

“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control”

It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together.

I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation we’re always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him. That night after everybody went home I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him.

I went home hurting because I didn’t tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him. After graduation he got a job in New York, I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn’t tell him how I felt. But I couldn’t let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn’t tell him what I had inside my heart.

Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. The big church wedding and the reception at the hotel. I met the bride and of course him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn’t spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me.

I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn’t written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: “meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things”. I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn’t breathe anymore.

Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn’t written for a long time. He cried until he couldn’t cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn’t tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn’t wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together.

One day he didn’t show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn’t come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy like him?

I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn’t get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a diary that of his life. I cried as it was given to me. I didn’t know what to think. Why was this given to me? I took it and flew back to California. As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written.

The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, “today I will tell her I love her”. It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

a lot of memories there.. a lot of struggle there..

tapi.. begitu membaca email tersebut.. jadi bertanya-tanya.. apakah kenyataannya seperti itu????

huff..  Starbuck ciwalk was my first favourite place in the world..

but now.. seems like I have to find another cozy place..